Blind

No matter how many people tell me otherwise, I feel inadequate. I've not met the expectations of myself nor those of my family. Unlike most (specifically Asian) parents, mine don't nag on me to get a 5.0 GPA, attend an Ivy league, become a successful neurosurgeon, or eradicate world hunger. They trust me and my decisions and I've simply let them down. They just want me to be happy, and in that sense, I've also failed.
I decided to study piano in order to remove myself from my own expectations, but even that oasis has spiraled out of control only to prove yet another world in which I am inadequate.
I don't believe I am built for the cut-throat competition in this world. My sister lectured me yesterday about how I'm putting more effort into others than I do into myself. While I got upset over her psychology-induced analysis of me, it was only because I knew she was right. She's always right. Even when she's wrong. It seems that even I have given up on myself and directed my energies toward helping others. How can I expect others to help me when I'm so unwilling to be receptive of it?
I guess for now I must brush aside these sickeningly emo thoughts and look at the world more directly. One step at a time, right? I need to work toward effacing my past decisions in favor for those that are not only beneficial, but progressive. Unfortunately, I don't think that's nearly as easy as it sounds.

On a different note, I'm making money! finally. not much, but it's better than nothing. I need to study for the SATs now, though I wish my future didn't ride on the idea that I need to do well on this notorious test that's only out to get you.