My mind is spinning and I fear that I am making irrational decisions. My constant need to justify them leaves me to question how impetuous I'm really being. And yet, it's what I want. I think. Or this may be yet another thing that I trick myself into believing that I want.
It's like everything that I've built up for in my education has not only been anti-climatic, but ultimately futile through the decisions that were made in my senior year of high school. I need to convince myself that they're the "smart" decisions, but it's really only to cover up the idea that I feel like a failure.
Even if these really ARE smart decisions, which at this point in my life, I honestly believe they are, I can't help but feel incredibly stupid.
I need to stop lying to myself.
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